Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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