Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
