I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
