I wish you could order shots online.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
