I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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