I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
