the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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