I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
