so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
my poor anus
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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