I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They took my balls.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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