If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just had sex on a roof
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
