I could have mohawked her pubes.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
