Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
