The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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