i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
