you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
