the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
