I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
