Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
