the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
