last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
