Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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