After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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