omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
