I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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