I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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