Are we in a gay sports bar?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
