in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
