Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
