the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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