Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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