The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
