I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
