Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
