O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
