oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
