she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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