I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
