i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
