i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
