end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
