If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
