i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
