I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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