he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
