remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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