I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
