Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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