i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
