Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
