you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Randomize
