He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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