I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
