Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
